Real Advice: Pregnancy After Loss

Real advice is where we ask you, the community what helped in real life. Your advice and tips instead of the “expert” opinions from someone who may not have had to live through it. We pose a question on our Facebook page and look to you to help those looking for real how-to advice. 

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“For anyone who has been pregnant again after loss, what advice would you give to someone trying to conceive or pregnant again after loss? What helped you/hurt you?” — Facebook

There’s hope if you believe.  – Amy

Have people you can talk to that understand. And know it’s ok to be scared and worried, you aren’t hurting your baby – Kayce

Try to keep your mind occupied, take on a project. It will keep you from going insane. The pregnancies that I had after loss were the hardest thing I have ever done. Worth. Every. Second.  – Jenny

 I would say make sure you have an understanding OB. I called mine often and they did tons of extra ultrasounds so that we were able to check up on our baby (we lost our second child at 32 weeks). They even offered to lend us a heart monitor so we could check anytime we felt the need. – Tammy

I had a second trimester loss, so continuing with grief counseling and staying connected with other baby loss mamas who were either already pregnant or successfully delivered healthy rainbow babies was so helpful and important. I am currently 23.5 weeks pregnant (almost 10 weeks further than I made it with my twins), and getting past all the milestones of their pregnancy in this one (gestational points of ultrasounds, bleeding episodes, placental abruptions and pPROM, the their loss date) were helpful, too. It was Hell getting to and through those points with this little guy, but I did feel some relief once I did, and feel more with each passing day since. Pregnancy after loss is very scary and stressful, especially as a high risk patient. I can’t say that praying, wishing or hoping has played any part this time – I did all that with my twins and lost them anyway. But, time does help, and as I get closer and closer to viability for this baby, I am finding myself more able and willing to plan and dream for life with him, alive in my arms.  – Amy

Don’t allow fear of your loss to overshadow & take away from the happy moments in your following pregnancy. You will always have worry in the back of your mind, the what if’s if the baby sleeps soundly too long & doesn’t kick. Sad or angry days will roll through, let them, process those feelings! Don’t try to hide from them. – Deborah

Being told I might be trying too soon, and I should stop obsessing, really hurt my feelings in the worst way. I almost stopped talking to my best friend altogether because of it. – Tenielle

To know its ok to be scared. I was so scared the second time around I had to keep busy and have good support from my family and friends just to stay sane. What helped me is to just to accepting what was and what is not ignoring my heart if I felt I need to call I would if I thought I should go to the doctor I would and kept in mind as as a personal goal if I can just get 36wks he will be fine! And and the most important thing to me was to pray. – Alexis

 Make sure you have given yourself enough time to grieve the loss you suffered and make sure you’ve adequately said good bye to your baby before becoming pregnant again…….it makes a world of a difference…..you also have to remember that the chances of a healthy pregnancy after a loss are pretty good….keep faith!!! It’s hard I know! Allow yourself to feel however you feel too.   – Heather

 This is a different pregnancy, is something you really have to remember. It’s hard to not to compare them but try not too. surround your self with supportive people and having a OB that cares and understands is very helpful.  – Christi

Just take it one day at a time. I had a lot of pain during my pregnancy ( being worried all the time) not physical, just emotional. I now- barely remember the pregnancy. Guilt is a very common feeling.  – Sibahan

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