Our World Was Forever Changed


I was so excited when I found out that my third child was going to be a boy. 

I already have a 17 and 2 year old daughters and the prospect of a boy was so wonderful to me.  My first two pregnancies were uneventful with the typical morning sickness and food aversions.  Both my girls were big babies at 8.11 lbs and 9.3 lbs respectively and both my girls bald until they were two.

My second baby was a wonderful home birth and I planned a home birth with my third child.  He was to be my last baby as I am in my late 30’s.  The pregnancy with my son was so smooth.  I was hardly sick, my tummy wasn’t as big.  He moved constantly, especially at night, just like his big sister.  He had hiccups incessantly.  I often rubbed my tummy and I could hardly wait to see him.

He was due August 15, 2014, but I had a feeling he was going to come early and be a July baby just like both of his sisters.  On July 24, I felt him move pretty violently around 4:30 am.  I didn’t think much of it as he often was kicking then.  I got up with my youngest daughter the next morning and she was being very difficult pushing me to my limits with some bad behavior.

I didn’t notice until she laid down for a nap around noon that I hadn’t felt my little Henry move in quiet a long time.  I started doing kick counts … nothing.  I drank a soda … nothing.  I called my midwife and she came right over at about 3:30 that afternoon.  No heartbeat was found and she sent me to the ER.

I dropped my youngest with my mother and my oldest daughter and my father went with me to the ER.  My husband was finishing up work and heading over.  I had an ultrasound and saw his little body — with no heartbeat.  I was devestated.  I cried and weeped.  My eldest daughter cried and ran from the room.

My husband got there about 10 minutes later and once he saw me, he instantly was in tears.  I looked in the hall to see my father, who normally tries to not show emotions, crying.  The doctors gave us advice to go home and talk to family and come in when we were ready for inducing.

I went home, got a blanket that a dear friend had knitted for him and some clothes and went back.  My baby boy was born at 7:49 a.m. Friday, July 25, 2014.  Our world was forever changed.  He was my smallest baby at 6.13 lbs and was long at 21 inches.  He was a July baby like I predicted and had a full head of black curly hair. We held him for hours until he started to turn purple.  Then I had to leave as I didn’t want to remember him that way. He is buried about 5 miles from our house.

After he was born, I heard about Cuddle Cots and I felt moved to try and obtain one for my hospital. I hope that more people will donate to help give parents the chance to spend more time with their sleeping baby.

Photo credit: adapted from James E. Petts | Flickr


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