My Son Should Be Here With Me

angel in the cloud

I’m the mother of an angel in the clouds.

17 years old with a broken heart shattered into pieces by grief. I found out I was pregnant just after my 16th birthday.

I was going through a stage of hating everyone and was living with my boyfriend. Shortly after I found out I was pregnant, I moved back home with my mom because I was going through a real tough time realising that I was pregnant and I just wanted to be comforted by my mom.

All through my pregnancy, I was bleeding and panicking at every trip to the hospital. At around 9 p.m. Dec. 5, 2013, I started getting cramps and my mom called the hospital and they told me that I should come in, so I did. They gave me some pain relief and I was still in agony and they were about to discharge me when I started bleeding once more but with clots (sorry if that’s too much information) so they said I should stay in overnight to keep an eye on me.

I finally got to sleep after more pain relief when I awoke with a need to use the toilet, then that’s when my perfect little angels legs appeared.

At 8:22 a.m. on the Dec. 6, 2013, my son Michael was born into this world with his heart still beating for almost an hour.

My perfect little baby, so still and so beautiful had been taken and I didn’t understand why this had happened to me.

I barely spoke to anyone after that for around three months, still to this day my heart aches.

People say time is a healer but for anyone who has experienced losing a child they will know that is not true. I was 18+1 weeks pregnant. My son should still be here, with me — His mommy. I could not even begin to describe the pain of losing a child, and for anyone that has, I am so so sorry for what has happened to you.

— Shannon 

Photo credit: adapted from freestone | Flickr

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