I’ve Never Felt So Much Heartbreak

I’m 16. Of course, not ready for a baby.

But it was happening. I made so many changes to prepare for a baby. Along with my boyfriend. I was finishing school early. I was going to transfer to college a year and a half early. We had both been working and saving up and had so much support from everyone.

After the shock of family and friends finding out we were going to be teen parents, everyone had started getting excited and buying little presents. We even started stocking up on diapers and wipes. My boyfriend was probably more excited than anyone. We had went in for my first appointment and found out I was 8 weeks and 4 days. We saw the little peanut and heard the heartbeat. It was one of the most amazing things I’ve ever experienced.

We had names and everything picked out. We had plans and arrangements made to make our situation easier. We went in for my next appointment. I was 13 weeks and 1 day. We were hopeful to find out the gender! We went through all the normal checkups and the time came for the ultrasound. My doctor wasn’t saying much she just kept trying to measure the baby over an over.

Then she said, “The baby is only measuring at 10 weeks and 4 days.” I was so scared…. Then she said, “And there’s no heartbeat.”

I’ve never felt so much heartbreak. It completely hit me like a ton of bricks. We had to wait to go to the women’s center to have it confirmed and then back to my doctor to talk about options.

The wait was torture. I had to take pills. I had horrible cramps and the next day I went into full labor and passed the baby. I’ve never been in so much physical and emotional pain in my life. It’s unexplained…

— Laney 

Photo credit: adapted from quinn.anya | Flickr