This is the first time I ever write down my story.
My partner and I have always wanted a child of our own as we were so great with other kids and I knew we would make great parents. I was still in college and he had just started a new job but we wanted a child so much that we didn’t want to wait any longer, so on my birthday we had a picnic and discussed us planning to be pregnant.
And to our surprise, the very next months I missed my period and he came home with some pregnancy tests which at first I saw a white line and felt disappointed but also hopeful that we’ll keep trying, after a few min I checked the test again to find two lines and I just gave it to him in which he couldn’t believe his eyes and was beyond happy.
We went to the first doctor’s appointment and she confirmed that we indeed are pregnant, I came home after a month so we can go for the first scan, I was too nervous but he helped calm me down and we got to hear out baby’s strong heartbeat and even had pictures of his tiny body. We went out to celebrate then I was back at college, due to many tests and assignments I had I thought it’s fine to miss the next appointment and reschedule it for later and I remember how when that next appointment came I wasn’t that nervous at all but was just looking forward to seeing how big my little one is.
All that only for the doc to tell us that our angel has no heartbeat. I cried so much and didn’t understand and the doctor consoled me by saying that maybe its the way the baby is laying that’s causing this. So they took some blood after 48 hours they took another and the tests revealed that my baby had died.
I was supposed to be 21 weeks when we found out the sad news, my obgyn admitted me at the hospital for induction and everything went well and in several days I was discharged and that’s when the real grief started. I didn’t wanna leave the hospital without my precious boy and on the way home all I did was cry because I felt robbed of a chance of a lifetime. I’ve never hurt like this in my life and I feel like the pain won’t ever go away,. I know God has a reason why he took him away so early and I appreciate all the precious moments spent with him but all I want is my son back, I’m trying my best to cope but its just too hard.
Azania my angel, mommy and daddy love you so much and will always do no matter what, its hard without you everyday as we had planned to give you the best we could but you left us too soon. We pray that we shall see you one day, we will never heal from losing you my precious little one, you were so perfect I don’t understand how you had to leave us but I trust God will bring you back to us.
Photo credit: adapted from Subconsci Productions | Flickr