I Have Been Anxious, Scared and Bitter

I am not sure even where to begin.

I feel like I am searching for comfort when I don’t deserve it. I read stories of mothers who lost their children at 8 months or at birth and feel like my story is nothing in comparison. I found out I was pregnant December 2014. My husband and I were ecstatic, until our first doctors appointment at the end of January 2015.

I was told I had a blighted ovum, which is an empty sac, but your body still thinks you are pregnant. I had done a ton of research beforehand and knew a little about blighted ovum so I was nervous even before that appointment that something was wrong.

I was around 7 weeks when we were told this would result in a miscarriage. I went home with medication and waited about a week before it happened.

Since this incident, I have been anxious, scared and bitter. Bitter about other women who carry their babies full term, scared to see a doctor for fear that I will receive a terrible diagnosis since my worst fear came true.

I think about it every time I see a baby, a commercial, a mother. I feel hopeless.

photo credit: adapted from Flickr | JKroz

— Lauren