Grieving as an Introvert Is Isolating


We had a miscarriage Christmas Eve at 10 weeks. Horrible pain and I ended up in the ER where they went ahead and did a D&C.

I’m an introvert and not typically very emotional at all and this whole experience has sent me spinning. My husband doesn’t know how to handle me. I know he wants to fix things, but really what can anyone do? It’s been 4 months and, while I feel like I am making some progress in my grief, the people surrounding me make me feel like I should get over it and move on (including my husband). I know each person processes differently. I know my husband is coping with it differently than I am. But why am I in the wrong here?

I cry when I see other babies. I have not met my 2 month old nephew yet …. it is just too hard. It is also hard because he was an “accident”, the 3rd baby in that family, and they didn’t even want him at first. Now they love him of course and all is fine, but I cannot shake feeling jealous of an accidental baby. I am jealous of all women who are pregnant and sometimes it does drive me to tears.

My husband and his family are all extroverts. They interpret my quietness as “shutting everyone out” and I am not sure how to communicate that this is just me and my personality. They think seeing and holding a baby will heal me (this feels absolutely ludicrous to even suggest). I should be vulnerable and share my grief and that will make it all better. I don’t know how sharing with people who don’t understand what it feels like will help me?

I have never felt so alone in my life.

Friends who have experienced miscarriage seem to all have peace now or have gone on to have successful pregnancies.

Where are the people I can relate to??
Where are the people who will get down with me in the trenches and just be sad??

Counseling has been suggested by my spouse more than once, but I feel like its another attempt to just make me get over it so he doesn’t feel awkward or have to deal with me. He says he is on my side, but his words are just so isolating…. like this is my problem alone.

Ugh. I don’t know if I need counseling. Do I? Everyone is making me feel like a freak show.

— Erin

Photo credit: adapted from Robert S. Donovan | Flickr

Comments are moderated before appearing. Please note: your comment here may show up on your Facebook Feed.