Coping with Grief Triggers

Coping with Grief Triggers

Each time I fell pregnant, there was a close friend or relative that I had the pleasure of sharing it with.

That pleasure soon turned into pain when I miscarried — 4 times. It was devastatingly difficult to associate with those women, whose lives were now consumed by the being they carried and who spoke about little else than their pregnancy.

How do you pretend to be happy, when all you can think about is that your tummy should have been the same size as hers and your most significant concern should have been heartburn?

At the same time, how do you nod and smile when people incessantly make small talk about how so-and-so’s skin is glowing in the glory of pregnancy? Perhaps it’s because they are unaware of your ordeal, or maybe they just overestimated how long it would take for you to come to terms with it. Above all, feelings of guilt creep in because you don’t enjoy feeling this way. You wish you could join in the joy that these new mothers feel, but you just can’t find the strength. What do you call it? Jealousy? Envy?

No. You call it grief. And it is a negative emotion, no matter how much we try to sugar-coat it. It is not easy and the smallest things can set you off on an emotional roller-coaster.

There is no proven formula for coping with these triggers of your grief, but as the old adage goes; Birds of a feather, flock together. I have found endless comfort in sharing my losses with women who have experienced what I have. There is no better way to get it off your chest than with someone who knows exactly what you are going through.

Women are nurturing and loving by nature.  There are people out there who know what you are going through and will share their grief with you.

Be a supportive friend yourself and find someone who in turn uplifts and encourages you. Take care of your body and mind.

But most of all, be patient. Don’t rush your process. Peace will come soon enough. Until then, be gentle with yourself.

Photo credit: adapted from ahisgett |Flickr

What are your tips on coping with grief triggers? What has helped you navigate?

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Kajal H Maharaj

My name is Kajal, I am a 29 year old South African mother of a delightful 4 year old boy. I have suffered 4 miscarriages in the past 18 months and find solace in sharing my story. I strive to provide support and bring some kind of hope to others going through the same grief.

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