The first thing our little one asked when he woke up that morning was, “Is the baby still growing?”
To which I said yes, but that we have to take it day by day. By 11:00 AM, I am already noticing some spotting and by dinnertime, I am already bleeding out.
The last thing our boy asked before his day ended was if we lost our baby already.
To which I whimper and admitted the truth and then kissed him goodnight…
There are lots of things I want to write about the topic of miscarriage: from all the insensitivity and meanness I received but also the kindness from friends and families; to the negative feelings and emotions I have towards it which included anger and sadness; to the struggle of being healthy and believing my ability to conceive among others…
However one morning, as our little boy was saying his usual bye-bye (before he goes to daycare) while hugging me, he said,
“Mama, when you get home from work and I get home school, don’t worry because I will still be here.”
It’s a realization from a little child telling me that he is there and that he will never leave… That I am able and capable to breathe life to a very beautiful child. And that’s all that matters for now even when I am grieving.
With so much love
— Joyce
Photo credit: adapted from boltron- | Flickr
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