A Recount of the 4th Time

I know the signs.

I need to do this.

I open the strip.

I hesitate.

Do I want to know?

Can I do this again?

I have to know.

I take the strip.

2 lines.

Heart beating faster.

Thrilled.

Terrified.

Deep breath.

It wont happen again.

It can’t.

Heart slows down.

It wont.

Breathing.

Weeks pass.

Perfect.

Excited.

Planning.

It starts.

8 weeks.

The cramps.

The pain.

The blood.

The tears.

It happened again.

Devastated.

Defeated.

Again.

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Devan McGuinness

is the founder and executive director of the award-winning resource Unspoken Grief .

2 Comments
  1. I’m so sorry, Devan.

    I have always been sure that my first miscarriage was due to the fact that it was an IVF pregnancy, and they have a high miscarriage rate. But, not that I’ve had a second miscarriage with a pregnancy conceived naturally, I am terrified that it will happen again.

    I just can’t believe how many times you have been through this and how strong you must be to get through it.