Why I Hate The “Wait Until 12 Weeks To Share” Rule

This rule is everywhere. Everyone feels they need to abide by it and society expects us to.

“Don’t share your pregnancy news until you are past the first trimester”

This rule is a huge reason why miscarriage is so under supported and the stigma of shame and the taboo of speaking about it has been put upon us. 1 in every 5 pregnancies will end in miscarriage according to the latest research and this rule is supposed to protect us from the hurt if our pregnancy does not make it past the first trimester.

That is bullsh*t.

We will still be hurt. We will still grieve. Only difference now is we won’t have the support of our friends and family because we ‘couldn’t’ share our good news with them. This rule tells us that a miscarriage in the first trimester must be covered up, is not ‘big enough’ for grief and support and understanding.  It cloaks the pain and tells us not to talk about it. It perpetuates the myth and idea that the baby is not ‘real’ until after 12 weeks. That early miscarriage or first trimester miscarriage is somehow not that big of a deal.

Miscarriage should not be an embarrassing topic. We should not feel like we can’t share the news until the risk of miscarriage goes down.  There is no rule where a miscarriage will be any less painful.

This rule is what makes us feel so alone. We are told we are not allowed to talk about it and that is wrong.  Our pain is real and only by talking about it will we see how ‘normal’ it is to be affected by it and to grieve the loss is healthy.

For something that happens to 1 in 5 pregnancies – miscarriage is seriously under supported.

Devan McGuinness

is the founder of the online resource Unspoken Grief , which is dedicated to breaking the silence of perinatal grief for those directly and indirectly affected by miscarriage, stillbirth and neonatal death. Using her own experience of surviving 12 miscarriages, Devan has been actively supporting and encouraging others who are wading through the challenges associated with perinatal and neonatal loss.

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