TV Shows & Triggers

Last night I was sitting in my room sick with the flu and started watching Grey’s Anatomy with my husband. I love this show and tonight was the season premiere and I was excited to watch.

What I forgot of course was the way last season ended.  I hate that I have to brace myself for these things to avoid this – but last night I was unexpectedly punched in the stomach. Blind-sided by seeing a woman lying in a hospital bed with her legs up in stirrups on tv about to get a D&C.

I lost it.

I cried.

My husband held me without me having to say a word.

He knew.

hate that I know I am going to have nightmares again tonight. I get them often and tonight I know they will come.

Painful.

Real.

Nightmares.

I hate that something as silly as a television show triggers them.

I have not healed from these 10 miscarriages. I don’t know if I ever will fully. I am tired of the pain but I know I have to feel it.
I just wish it wasn’t so hard.

originally Sept 24, 2010

Devan McGuinness

is the founder and executive director of the award-winning resource Unspoken Grief .

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