Last night I was sitting in my room sick with the flu and started watching Grey’s Anatomy with my husband. I love this show and tonight was the season premiere and I was excited to watch.
What I forgot of course was the way last season ended. I hate that I have to brace myself for these things to avoid this – but last night I was unexpectedly punched in the stomach. Blind-sided by seeing a woman lying in a hospital bed with her legs up in stirrups on tv about to get a D&C.
I lost it.
My husband held me without me having to say a word.
I hate that I know I am going to have nightmares again tonight. I get them often and tonight I know they will come.
I hate that something as silly as a television show triggers them.
I have not healed from these 10 miscarriages. I don’t know if I ever will fully. I am tired of the pain but I know I have to feel it.
I just wish it wasn’t so hard.
originally Sept 24, 2010