First we had decided on Finley for a boy and Addalee for a girl. But then we changed it to Weston for a boy and Arabella for a girl. But the more I thought about it the more I realized that Weston didn’t fit. I didn’t like it anymore, it didn’t fit, I was sick of the name. I couldn’t name my son a name I was already sick of.
So back to the drawing board.
We considered Harlen, Harbin, Owen, Everett, Emory. I was leaning towards Owen but I got the idea to ask my daughter, who is four, if she liked that name. I wanted her to be involved so I told her all the names I had chosen and she hated all of them. So I asked her what name she liked, just to see what crazy thing she would say. I figured she would say Bambi, or Caillou. But she thought about it for a second and then said, “I think you should name the baby Elliot if you have a boy baby.”
She chose the name because she has been on a big E.T. kick, watching the movie over and over, but I thought about it and realized that it was a good name. A great name, actually. It was perfect. Even more perfect is that my boyfriend loved it as well. It was normal name, but unique in it’s own right, hardly heard of anymore. So it was decided, if we found out we were having a boy his name would be Elliot Michael.
Less than a week later, we lost him.
In the hospital, they asked if we would like to name him. I looked at my boyfriend, I can’t explain it, but that day I couldn’t bear making any decisions, any questions were directed to him to answer for me, but in his grief, he forgot, and he told them the name Weston. I yelled at him that he was wrong, that we had agreed on Elliot. He apologized, corrected the nurse, even checked over her shoulder to be sure that she had written down the correct name.
I still love his name. It’s beautiful, perfect, and it was really the only thing I could give him. I couldn’t give him hugs, I couldn’t wipe his tears, or nurse him to sleep. But I could give him a name, a way for the whole world to remember him. Without that moment with my daughter we would have been stuck at the hospital already in shock, trying to name our son. Instead we knew what we wanted to name him, the perfect name. It made the situation just a bit easier.
No matter how much time passes, I will always remember, always long for, my little angel, my Elliot Michael.