Before he left for his new duty station we wanted to get an ultrasound so that he could finally see our baby. Friday morning we finally made it to the hospital and into the exam room. I could feel my heart racing because I was so excited he would finally get to see our baby.
She pointed out where the head was and how you could see it’s face and the dark spots were where our baby’s eyes were growing. I couldn’t believe I was growing such a precious thing. However, I was not prepared for what came next.
My sister was the technician and she had pulled up the picture, your could see the baby but she said it wasn’t close enough. I was asked to empty half my bladder then return. Sadly, after laying there with her looking at the screen silently she told us she couldn’t find a heartbeat. She said my baby should be moving around the sac like a little Jellybean, but instead our Jellybean didn’t have a heartbeat and was measuring small.
As soon as I left the exam room I called my OB to let her know what I had been told. She scheduled me an ultrasound at her office on Monday(two days later). I handed my keys to my boyfriend to let him drive because I was not sure I would be able to drive safely, and I sat there the whole way home silently weeping.
Once we got home my mother just hugged me, my sister had called and alerted her before I had made it to the house. He disappeared as soon as we walked in and I hugged my mother then just went to lay on my bed to absorb the shocking news I had received. When my darling finally came back from another room, he curled up with me in silence.Mom and Dad decided to give us the house and came in to express their grievances before they left.
I broke down countless times, and he broke down once which broke my heart. He has always been so strong and rarely ever gets upset, but this precious thing we made was no longer with us and it tore us both to pieces. Into the night I wept praying that Monday they could somehow find a heartbeat.
I have the entire pregnancy posted on my blog: From the day I found out and I still update it daily too as a way to grieve I guess.
For more of the story, visit: AbigaleJane