Taking Care of You

Draining.

Devastating.

Life changing.

These words don’t even begin to explain the feelings left over after a miscarriage, stillbirth or neonatal loss. I am not sure there is a word or even a phrase that can put into perspective the life long effects this grief can have on you & the ones around you.

Grief can be physically and emotionally draining. Compounded because your body physically went through a change & needs to heal on top of the grieving process which can also be quite physically demanding – it is very important to take care of you.

Rest.
As much as you can you need to rest. Slow down a bit & give your body a bit of time to heal. Even if all you can allow for time is 5 minutes here and there – it is important for your body.

Eat.
I know this might seem obvious but in the thick of the grief it may not be so obvious. Eat often & eat healthy – it’s good for the body and the mind.

Talk.
Talk about your feelings, your loss and your baby. To anyone. To us. Write it down. Talk to a partner, friend, doctor. Don’t keep your grief and feelings bottled in.

Allow help.
Allow your partner, friends and family to help if they offer. Let them bake you some meals, take you out if you feel like it. Accept their ear or shoulder.

Ask for help.
Don’t be shy to ask for help – with whatever. Don’t be afraid to be vulnerable – especially to those closest to you.

Time.
Give yourself time. Don’t try to put a time frame on when you will ‘feel better’ & don’t let anyone else put a time frame on you.

:: What did you do to take care of you? ::

About the author: Devan McGuinness

is the founder of the online resource Unspoken Grief , which is dedicated to breaking the silence of perinatal grief for those directly and indirectly affected by miscarriage, stillbirth and neonatal death. Using her own experience of surviving 12 miscarriages, Devan has been actively supporting and encouraging others who are wading through the challenges associated with perinatal and neonatal loss.

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  • I just found out today that I am no longer pregnant at 8 weeks. Really this is my 3rd miscarriage in the last year. I previously had two lost embryos after IVF treatment but conceived naturally with the one just gone. My feelings are mixed since I could never fully connect to this one, having had such bad luck before, and yet of course my grief and loss are profound. I am so glad to find this site as I also feel there is a gap in society for the care of experiencers of the taboo subject of miscarriage – your views mirror mine exactly. It’s so lovely to be invited to talk on this site. I have a number of friends who have also lost children this year and, like me, have dealt with it amazingly. How much more can we take though? Sometimes I just look at life and I laugh because I had no idea it could be so peculiar and such a struggle for something that comes so easily for so many, is unwanted or resented by so many and yet, remains a mystery for those who would be amazing parents if only they could have the chance. Reading the stories on sites like these makes me realize I’m not alone but also exacerbates my grief as I feel for everyone who has experienced this awful loss. I would very much like to get involved as someone to help see people through this difficult time or even help people who have experienced it many years ago come to terms with their grief. For me, this has become the gift in it all, the insight to help others, I just hope I can find the strength to climb yet another mountain.
    Many many thanks xxx

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