Struggling For Support

I have just found this site, and after reading and adding  a comment I felt like I needed to post my experience in a place where I know there is support.  I feel the need to vent some of my frustrations that have come from insensitive comments to my loss.  I have two wonderful children, aged 10 and 4, and am 35 years old.  My first miscarriage occurred a few years after my eldest was born.  I had a second miscarriage last October, and a third this past week in March.

I am tired of feeling pressure from people when they make comments telling me I am older, ready to stop trying now, “is your hubby going to get snipped now?”  I even had one co-worker who knew of my last loss, begin to laugh and said, “oh dear you two just need to stop having sex!”  She then proceeded to laugh, I have no idea why, and I always found her to be so nice, I was truly shocked.  My boss was supportive when I had to take the time off last October, this time she called at the end of my sick leave, and said, “so is it done?”  Prior to that she reminded me she had never given birth, though is an adoptive mom, and this she explained was why she asked about how a miscarriage happens.  She asked details around bleeding and cramping, etc.  It just seemed she felt I had reached my quota for time off, and miscarriage or not it was time to get back.  A few weeks after my loss in October, she had blasted into my office, and said, “so D & C’s you are the expert, how long does someone bleed after one of those?”  I am grieving now, and feel resentment that people do not recognize the significane of this loss.

I felt pregnant, I was looking forward to telling my children, my husband and I were making plans for our new baby, and was thinking of names.  I miscarried at 11 weeks, and was just getting ready to share our news.  I have two children that I love, and a third baby was a blessing that would have been wonderful.  I just needed to post, and let my story out.  I was holding it in.

jbee

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