We Were Blindsided.

It came out of nowhere. It was so unexpected.

First pregnancies are so new and unknown that I thought it was normal.

My baby had been moving less but they say there is no pattern before 22 weeks. I was 20 weeks and he seemed to be moving less but I wasn’t worried, I had my 20 week ultrasound to get the reassurance I needed. But instead I got exactly the opposite.

My precious baby boy had a very bad case of Fetal Hydrops with fluid on the brain, heart and abdomen making him the size of a 26-27 gestational week baby. I had an amnio done to see if there would be a cause and possible treatment, but he passed before we even got the results.

Two days later I had my general appointment and found out my first baby had no heartbeat.  I was induced that day and 12 hours later Zachary was born. 1 lb 7.5 oz and 10.75″ long at 5:53am on 11/10/11.

We were blindsided. This wasn’t supposed to happen. That night coming home from the hospital we got in a car accident to top off the day. We are slowly healing and starting to feel new hope as we start thinking about trying for a sibling for Zachary.

I want to believe that he will be up there and help keep our next pregnancy safe by watching over any future children. But I’m scared. We don’t know if there is a chance for recurrence because the autopsy was inconclusive. Every day I think of my son and wonder what could have been.

— Ali F

more of her story:  website

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  1. My heart goes out to you and your husband! I just finished reading (well actually listening to the audio book) of Heaven is For Real, have you read it? It may provide some comfort to you. I pray that you get a healthy sibling for little Zachary.
    Hang in there!

  2. Thanks Nille! I was given a copy by friend. It was a great book and I know lots of my family and friends are or have also read it. For such a short book, it took me a long time to get through. I had a hard time getting past the miscarriage chapter, so sweet. Hugs to you too.

  3. Ali…
    I know too well the pain you are going thru. My little girl Eden died at 35 weeks from Fetal Hydrops / heartattack… My story is on here as well, called “The road to Eden”.
    It is a pain unlike any other… but I will assure you that time does heal. I now have a beautiful son who is 3years old and I just gave birth to my precious baby girl on October 24th 2011. It may seem cliche to say but “What is worth doing is often difficult” Your next pregnancy will be scary… but if you have it in you I encourage you to try again. It is so worth it in the end… My Children have healed the hole in my heart. The scar will always be there and Eden is never far from my mind. Celebrate what you did have with your Son. Celebrate often and start traditions. Eden died on Nov 30th 2007 and every year we put up our Christmas Tree on her Birthday…. Something to do as a family and still remember her as we place special memorial ornaments on our tree. Just do what your heart desires and have faith that you are not alone in this… that we are here for you and will help you through! And we truly understand because we too have lived thru it and survived…. day by day.
    Blessings and prayers!

  4. Thank you Aimee! I just read your story and it gives me hope! I am so sad for you and for me and tears are just rolling down my cheeks and I have that feeling in my throat that you get when you are trying so hard not to cry… Your description of Eden is so much like my Zachary… when described by others, much less than perfect, but in our own eyes, nothing short of pure perfection. I miss his little button nose and goldfish lips. I hope I too can have healthy children to heal the hole in my heart. I think we are ready to start trying again, as scary as it seems!

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Unspoken Grief is a non-profit website dedicated to creating awareness and resources for anyone touched directly or indirectly by miscarriage, stillbirth or neonatal death.

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