Random Thought From A (Sensitive) Multiple Miscarriage Survivor

I am very open about having survived 10 miscarriages. I think it is important to open up the discussion and let others know that it is not something t0 be embarrassed about, and to let others know they are not alone. That someone else has a hint of their pain.

I am still human.  I have my good and bad days and triggers and (over)sensitivities.

One thing i can be very sensitive about is the reaction I sometimes receive when someone finds out my miscarriage history. Yes, it can be shocking, sad, overwhelming – but it is my story. Having someone pull a giant ‘oh my god!!!!!’ or ‘really?!?! 10???’ reaction to hearing I have been through 10 miscarriages makes me feel like a freak-show. No one wants to feel like that.

I know that it is not the reaction people are going for. That they are just genuinely shocked, mean well and are not trying to be hurtful.  Those type of reactions makes me feel embarrassed.

I don’t need to feel any more embarrassed. It is not something i should be embarrassed about and it’s definitely not something i should have to spend my energy comforting other people to get a handle on.

Yes. I have been through 10 miscarriage. Yes, 10. 1-0. Ten.  Now, ask me anything about it, reach out to me for help/support but get over your shock & next time keep that part to yourself.

* note: yes i am probably being oversensitive. we all have days like that. thanks for listening

Comments are moderated before appearing. Please note: your comment here may show up on your Facebook Feed.

Devan McGuinness

is the founder and executive director of the award-winning resource Unspoken Grief .

6 Comments
  1. Thank you for this! I’ve only had 5, and people give the same reaction. It’s like they think if they are shocked, they can be invited into our personal mindset and ask why we still keep trying. It’s a big load of crap.

    ((hugs and love))

    Kayce

  2. I think it’s really great that you have this website. I stumbled upon it from another mommy site. I haven’t had a miscarriage but I lost my fiance to suicide. I realize that these are two totally completely different things on opposite ends of the spectrum, but I remember when I was grieving it was difficult to find a community that understood *my* type of grief. It wasn’t the same kind of death as old age, or illness, or accident, or murder. When people were trying to be helpful they often ended up saying the most bizarre things that made me feel more alone.

    I just wanted to say I’m really glad that a place like this exists. Everyone needs a place to express their grief and feel understood.

    That said, a friend of mine just confided in me that she suffered a miscarriage. What is the appropriate and most sensitive response? At the time I just said that I was sorry and that I would keep her little angel in my thoughts always, that was the most honest thing I could have said.

    1. Thank you Mary for your support. Community is so important for those who can feel so lost and alone in their pain. I am so proud of this community.

      I am so sorry to hear of the loss your friend had what you said to her are very helpful words – you have acknowledged her loss and expressed your pain for her – both are so important. If she needs support you can always forward her over here.

      There are also some resource articles here which addresses how you as a friend can help support. Hugs to you xxo

  3. I have stopped using my number of losses when talking to friends and family. I just say recurrent losses because of this very reason. This may be totally irrational but, I am always fearful that the shock and awe will lead to doubt and eye rolls. My own mother did the “HOW MANY miscarriages did you have?” and my father said that I should get different pregnancy tests since no one could really miscarry that many times.

    This is a great way to help bring awareness to the rest of the world and for those who mind themselves trying to navigate their way through losses. Thanks!

  4. hi im glad i came across ur website, the thing is my sister has had 5 miscarriages and she cant get over it, she already has a daughter but is trying for another but is having recurrent miscarriages, i just wish that there was something that i could do for her, i feel helpless and find that when i try and talk to her my message wont get across because she always away in her own world. i hate seeing her like this and just wish that she would get better and become a mum to another baby…………..

    i love her loads and i cant find a solution to help her. can you give me some good advice or maybe help me to find a treatment for her

    thank you

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.

About Unspoken Grief

Unspoken Grief is a non-profit website dedicated to creating awareness and resources for anyone touched directly or indirectly by miscarriage, stillbirth or neonatal death.

©Unspoken Grief 2017; Devan McGuinness

Disclaimer

Unspoken Grief exists to provide peer-to-peer support and resources. The information on this site is intended only for advocacy and educational purposes. It's not intended to give medical advice, to diagnose or to offer treatment for any medical or psychological conditions. Please consult your own health care provider for your own specific situation and needs.