Nothing to Prove My Baby’s Existence

My husband and I finally got our positive test and were enjoying all the parts of early pregnancy and sharing our happy news.

Then, at a little over eight weeks, I began to bleed. My doctor wouldn’t confirm anything, so I waited for the bleeding to increase.

As it worsened, I fell apart.

What was I supposed to do? I hid away and didn’t want my husband to see me and I wish I had done something different. I’m not sure what, but I wish I at least  had something to bury, to hold onto.

I have nothing to prove my baby’s existence on earth except the broken heart of my husband and I.

How do I cope with all this AND the questions people ask? What did I do? Why did it happen? When will we try again?

How do you respond?

 — Emily

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  1. First of all let me say how absolutely sorry I am to hear about the loss of your baby. My heart breaks for you. I want you to know that the grief process isn’t a science and that you need to do whatever you need to so you can get through this. Let yourself feel emotion. Cry, be sad, stay in bed.
    Talk as much as you can about your baby. He or she existed even though you don’t have anything tangible to remember. Name your baby. Write a letter to him/her. Celebrate the day that he/she would have been due. My husband and I have lost two babies this year. One in February at 6wks and a second in August at 10wks. I understand the pain of having nothing to hold onto. After the bleeding has stopped it seems sort of surreal, like it never happened. My husband had a memorial necklace made for me, my aunt bought my baby a teddy bear, a friend made my baby a quilt. Go out and find something or things to remember your baby. Plant some flowers in his/her honour, have a keepsake made with his/her name and expected due date, do something to honour and respect your child.
    You need to know that there’s no understanding why an early miscarriage happens. It’s nothing you did. You’re not being punished. Odds are you just won a really terrible lottery. Try again when you’re ready. Don’t let anyone pressure you into what you’re not emotionally ready for.
    I just finished reading a book called “I Will Carry You” by Angie Smith. Try it out, I found it very healing.
    Talk to your baby, talk to your God. They’re both listening and love you more than you will know.
    With lots of love and HUGE hugs,
    Stay strong, sister.

  2. So sorry for your loss. I will say that I agree with Janet, just this last week my husband and I have went through a loss of our own. We after finding out was prego went to Fort brag celebrate our new life…. yesterday we went back with a bundle of balloons tied to them was a sucker my 5yr old saidhHalloween this is for my baby sister, a pic of us with a lil note on back. We walked to a spot that seemed perfect and played music said our sorrys, I wishes and good byes….. I did not say good by I said I’ll see you one day my child. It really helps we took pix n brought back things to remember our child n our loss. Scant say it takes the hurt or puts closure there or makes the thought easier that there’s a loss of a child we never got to see or name not even hear a heart beat. But it made a memory a day for a piece of us that was lost it made it easier to cry n let it out. I wish you the best hope n thoughts r with u and yours.
    Amanda Tombs

  3. I am so sorry. Next time try not to bath with hot water you must make sure the room temperature is not cold before you start to bath. The water should be your body temperature. Many mothers loose.
    Take shower instead of the soaking your self in the water. I hope it will help. Bye

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Unspoken Grief is a non-profit website dedicated to creating awareness and resources for anyone touched directly or indirectly by miscarriage, stillbirth or neonatal death.

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Unspoken Grief exists to provide peer-to-peer support and resources. The information on this site is intended only for advocacy and educational purposes. It's not intended to give medical advice, to diagnose or to offer treatment for any medical or psychological conditions. Please consult your own health care provider for your own specific situation and needs.