Not Sure If I Can Deal Anymore

So here is my story: I am 26 years old. When I was 17, I got pregnant with my son Ethan (who is now almost 8). I had a very normal pregnancy; no bleeding or cramping and was induced to deliver at 40 weeks.

In 2007, I became pregnant again only to miscarry shortly after finding out. I was heartbroken, but was assured by family,  friends, and doctors that this was very normal. Most women have at least one miscarriage. So when I became pregnant in 2009, I was sure everything was going to be fine.

The next day, I began bleeding and once again had a miscarriage. This made 2 in a row; what was wrong with me? Once again no reason was found. Pregnancy number four (miscarriage #3) came in 2011 and I really just knew everything was OK. Lots of nausea and breast tenderness only to have a miscarriage at 12 weeks.

Now here we are pregnancy #5 (miscarriage #4) at 6 weeks pregnant and bleeding again. I started progesterone as soon as we found out and went on pelvic rest, but still here I am having a miscarriage again. My son wants so badly to be a big brother and I cant give that to him. My husband wants to have another child. I see him with other people’s kids and know that’s what he wants.

I really don’t know why this keeps happening to me and I am starting to lose hope. In some ways I feel guilty for wanting more kids when I already have one and so many people don’t have any. I just don’t know anymore. I’m so lost and confused. I have came to the conclusion that I will not try anymore.

My family and I can not endure this heartbreak anymore!

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