Not a fan of Mother’s Day

I wish I didn’t feel as I do. But Mother’s Day was a day I didn’t look forward to at all. Over the past 3 years, I’ve been pregnant twice on Mother’s day, and have had DNCs by the end of may both times.

The first time I looked forward to surprising my mom with my 1st ultrasound. I did, she was speechless. A week later she sent me a congrats card.

It was a total shock to her because I’m lesbian in a relationship with a woman who has a son. We’ve been together since he was 3.

My mom never really talked to me about the pregnancy,& my dad told her when I lost the baby.

After more IUIs I got pregnant over a year later. Same scenario, but I made it further, then another dreaded ultrasound with the “I’m sorry there’s no heartbeat” speech. I’ve tried a couple times since then, but haven’t gotten pregnant. I’ve had biopsies, hcgs, a lap, & other procedures. They all run together now. I’m 35 and have a low egg count which means I’ll prob run out of eggs before I’m 40.

I’ve resigned myself to the fact that if it was meant to be, it would have happened by now.

My situation seems unique to me because I feel like a woman starting a family with a man that’s already had kids. I love my girlfriend’s son as my own, but she can’t completely comprehend my loss. There will most likely never be a baby born with eyes like mine. And it bothers me to no end.

A luxury I don’t have is sympathy. Because I’m gay when I take her son to the doctor the RN says stuff like you have to get her permission, because we KNOW your not the mom. Her mother has told her son for years that I’m not his mother. And even my own mom remarked once when I thought of buying him a 4 wheeler how I didn’t understand because I’m not a mother.

Honestly, I’m not mad because it is the truth. I’m not a mom. I probably never will be. So Mother’s Day pretty much sucks.

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