My Struggle Has Intensified

I found out I was pregnant in June.

My boyfriend and I were thrilled — we had been trying for 4 months.

We went for our first ultrasound at 9 weeks and there was no heartbeat, the doctor found movement in my one of my tubes.

I was scheduled for a D&C the next day along with other tests to determine exactly what they were seeing.  As it turned out, I had suffered a ” missed abortion” (which is the worst possible term).

The D&C was painful and a constant reminder for the next 3 weeks.

My boyfriend was so supportive through the process and I shut him out because I could not deal with his pain and mine.  Eventually, he could no longer take it and left.  We have remained in contact but I still have a difficult time with it and put a lot of pressure on him to fix it.

It is the elephant in the room when we talk.  It is never discussed.

I told him early on that I did not want to dwell on it and made it impossible for any to talk to me about it.  I told him I wanted to get pregnant right away, and he said he was not ready for that.  In truth, neither was I, but I was convinced that would fix the problem.

My struggle has intensified as it is the holidays and all I can think about is what was suppose to be.  I am surrounded by reminders and I am finding it more and more difficult to cope.  I am 40 years old and waited a long time to get pregnant, and now I am facing the reality that may have been my last chance.  I have pushed most people out of my life and left myself with very little support.  I would like to go back to my boyfriend and be able to share our experience together but I am afraid that is not really an option.

I have read some of the posts and found some comfort.

— Andrea

Our Stories

Collection of Community Submitted Stories. Author of each story is displayed at the end of the post. Want to share your story? Submit yours here.

Connect with author:

Add your support: comments are moderated before appearing. Please note: your comment here may show up on your Facebook Feed.