I found out I was pregnant in June.
My boyfriend and I were thrilled — we had been trying for 4 months.
We went for our first ultrasound at 9 weeks and there was no heartbeat, the doctor found movement in my one of my tubes.
I was scheduled for a D&C the next day along with other tests to determine exactly what they were seeing. As it turned out, I had suffered a ” missed abortion” (which is the worst possible term).
The D&C was painful and a constant reminder for the next 3 weeks.
My boyfriend was so supportive through the process and I shut him out because I could not deal with his pain and mine. Eventually, he could no longer take it and left. We have remained in contact but I still have a difficult time with it and put a lot of pressure on him to fix it.
It is the elephant in the room when we talk. It is never discussed.
I told him early on that I did not want to dwell on it and made it impossible for any to talk to me about it. I told him I wanted to get pregnant right away, and he said he was not ready for that. In truth, neither was I, but I was convinced that would fix the problem.
My struggle has intensified as it is the holidays and all I can think about is what was suppose to be. I am surrounded by reminders and I am finding it more and more difficult to cope. I am 40 years old and waited a long time to get pregnant, and now I am facing the reality that may have been my last chance. I have pushed most people out of my life and left myself with very little support. I would like to go back to my boyfriend and be able to share our experience together but I am afraid that is not really an option.
I have read some of the posts and found some comfort.