My Loss

This is only part of my story, but I wanted to share it with you. I originally posted this on my own blog in February 2011.

I could never have imagined that it would happen to me. Never in a million years. Not me. Not ever.

We decided right after getting married that we wanted to have a baby of our own, even though I already had three incredible kids and he fully accepted them as his own. We decided that we’d have one baby and that’s because I wasn’t getting any younger and we all know the older you get the more difficult pregnancy is.

It wasn’t long and we found out that we were having a baby. We were beyond elated! Everyone from our parents, the girls, and all of our friends were happy for us. We started planning for the new addition to our family and whether it’d be a boy or a girl and what we wanted to name it.

I was scared as always because I tend to be a worrier when it comes to being pregnant. I never in my life had a reason to worry either, it’s just that there are so many things out there on the internet telling you this and that. All that information can cause you to self diagnose and drive you to insanity! Besides all my pregnancies were great!

My first few doctor appointments went really well and all was normal. Perfection!

We started looking for furniture and all that since I had gotten rid of everything that I had before. We were lucky and found a brand new bassinet at a yard sale and the best part was that they only asked $25 for it.

Our appointment at 12 weeks came and I was excited because it was going to be the first time that we were going to be able to hear the baby’s heartbeat. We went in and got started.

At first it took a few minutes for her to find the baby’s heartbeat. I said to my husband that it was normal to have a hard time finding it because the baby is so small and often they hide.

The nurse figured I wasn’t as far along as we all originally thought so they wanted to do an ultrasound just to be sure. They had an ultrasound machine in the office so it made things really easy for us and we simply moved to the other room.

I was slightly worried.

She came back in and started the ultrasound. We quickly found out that there was a baby there. But our baby didn’t have a heart beat and it looked like it had stopped growing around 9 weeks.

My heart sank. I couldn’t believe what she was telling me. It wasn’t true.

It couldn’t possibly be true. I was heartbroken and couldn’t stop crying.

She let us be alone for a few minutes. After a while we joined her again in her office and we talked about our options. As she explained them I made my decision and then the whole world shifted.

Jackie

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