My Little Peanut

We had been trying for over a year and when we found out I was pregnant we were elated. But I had started spotting around 6weeks roughly and went in for an emergency u/t at 6weeks 5days. I saw my little peanuts heart beating and fetus was proclaimed healthy.  Feeling relieved and excited I carried this baby around with all the love that and caring I could. Little did I know it had died 2 days after the ultrasound.

When my next ultrasound came 2 weeks later (it had been previously booked and I didn’t think I would need to cancel it because of the emergency u/t. Besides I was excited and had read up on it and been told it should have been the size of a grape now. I wanted to see it ) and I went into the u/t and came out without heart. My little peanuts heart had stopped beating and I needed a D&C to remove it.

My devastation had been complete, that was only a week ago.  But I have found strength and have a husband who is my hero.

Sometimes there is nothing you can do, you fall under those horrible statistics that make you want to scream.  I have done my crying and took the pictures of my little peanut and placed it in my book of memories.  We will try again; I believe firmly that things happen for a reason. If my baby was taken away from me now, it was taken for a reason.  Whether it is because of a sickness that wouldn’t allow it to grow normally or safely or what have you.

I have faith and I know there is a little one out there that is meant for me and my little family of 2.

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