My Friend Is Pregnant & I’m Not Anymore

A difficult part of the grief left over after a miscarriage, stillbirth or neonatal loss is triggers in every day life that you can not avoid so easily. One of them being women who are pregnant – & can be especially difficult when a close friend or family member is pregnant and you are no longer.  Can cause a variety of conflicting emotions.  It can be a bittersweet time & confusing.

Be honest with yourself.
Acknowledge that this is hard for you. Give yourself the time and space to grieve your loss. & figure out that you can do both — you can grieve your loss and be happy for your friend.  It does not have to be one or the other.

Be honest with your friend.
Let them know this is hard for you.  Don’t let it be a ‘pink elephant’ in the room & talk about what you are feeling & talk about their pregnancy.  Let them know if you need some space for a while.  While i was grieving the loss of Triton a good friend of mine was pregnant for the first time.  We were due about 2 weeks apart and when I lost Triton it was hard. devastating.  My friend was amazing. I told her i needed a bit of space and she gave it to me without holding it against me or taking it personally. I was incredibly happy for her & would call to chat but I just could not (at that time) see her growing stomach.

Track Your Feelings.
If you are having a particularly rough day emotionally – be kind to yourself and minimize or avoid your triggers.  Watch that you are not pulling back completely and exhibiting any signs of depression.

Find Someone.
Talking to someone who has experienced something similar to your loss is so beneficial. If your friend has never experienced this grief – confide in some one (or a community) who has.  Talk about your conflicting emotions,  your triggers and gain insight on how to be supportive of your friend and taking care of you at the same time.

Share your tips. What worked or didn’t work for you?

Devan McGuinness

is the founder of the online resource Unspoken Grief , which is dedicated to breaking the silence of perinatal grief for those directly and indirectly affected by miscarriage, stillbirth and neonatal death. Using her own experience of surviving 12 miscarriages, Devan has been actively supporting and encouraging others who are wading through the challenges associated with perinatal and neonatal loss.

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