My friend is pregnant…and I’m NOT!

I knew this day was coming.
I knew I’d be here at some point.
I knew that I’d have to face this.
I just didn’t expect it to be today.

One of my best friends told me that she was pregnant.
I’m thrilled for her – I truly am.
No one deserves this more than her, not even me.
She’s suffered, much more than I have.
She’s lost, then gave birth, then lost and lost again.
Three angels, one baby and now a pregnancy.

I don’t know what it’s like to be expecting FIVE times, scared each time.
I don’t even know what it’s like to be pregnant twice.
She has no trouble getting pregnant, just keeping her babies.
I seem to have trouble with BOTH.

I’m thrilled for her – I truly am,
But I’m a little jealous and a little scared to meet her.
I’m thrilled for her – but I can’t help wish it was ME!

She knows what I’m going through,
but I don’t know what she’s dealing with, not exactly.
I hope that I can be a source of support for her,
I also hope that she can still be mine.

I’m thrilled for her – I truly am,
but between the smiles, I feel sad.
Sad for what I don’t have,
Sad that I might never have it,
Sad that I can’t be completely happy for HER.

Originally posted on my own blog on Monday, February 28, 2011

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Joanna

A mid-30's Catholic female, lucky enough to be married to her best friend, Freddie, since 2007, mom to an angel baby and chronic back pain sufferer of almost a decade.

6 Comments
  1. I can so relate to this. When I was going through infertility stuff, my good friend was also having the same problems. She got pregnant with twins and had an extremely rough pregnancy, was even hospitalized. She was going through enough, and I WAS happy for her, but never completely. It is so hard.

    Don’t feel badly about being jealous. We’re all human.

  2. i know how you feel- it is hard- i lost mine at 9wks but my friend is now in her 2nd trimester- and i was 1 wk ahead of her…. the best thing is to be honest w her- i have told my friend that i am both happy and sad bc of our situation and she has been a dear enough friend to respect that and understand. doesn’t make it any easier though- just wanted you to know you are not alone- we are here for you! xo

    1. Thanks JL!
      I can actually relate to that too. My next door neighbour is due 2 weeks after us, and although I haven’t run into her all winter, I just don’t think that I can deal with meeting their new baby, knowing that it arrived so shortly after our due date. I can’t help but wonder why our baby had to die and their’s survived….not that I wish this on them!

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