My Friend is Hurting and I Don’t Know How to Help

I myself have not experienced a miscarriage, but my best friend has had 3 this last year and a half.

I came across this site while trying to find things to say to her to help her through this tough time. I have directed her to this site in the hope that she will share  her story and start her healing process. I’m not sure if she has.

I was like the people that many have mentioned in their stories who would say things like, “it wasn’t the right time“. I know now that is not the right thing to say. I still find it very hard on talking to my bestfriend about her miscarriages because I don’t know what to say outside of, “I’m here for you“.

I feel so helpless because I know she is really hurting and going through so much. Even though I haven’t experienced this kind of loss, I am hurt that she and her husband are hurting.  I pray for the both of them that they will finally have their healthy baby to bring home and shower with love. I just wish I knew the right things to say to help them get through this because I know she gets down and depressed. I am also torn because I will soon want to add on to my family and I don’t know how to approach that subject with her.

I constantly worry about things like what if I have an uncomplicated pregnancy and healthy baby how will that make her feel and if it will put a strain on our friendship. She has deactivated her social network accounts a few times because she gets sad seeing people announce there pregnancies or posing in pictures pregnant. On the other hand, because of what she’s been through with her miscarriages, I’m a little afraid it could happen to me too. I feel so lost at times. I have been longing to get this out and I welcome any helpful feedback back. Thank you in advance!

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1 Comment
  1. She is so lucky to have a friend like you who cares. Honestly, just keep being there, to listen and to be a shoulder to cry on. I can’t think of a single friend of mine who has even asked if I wanted to talk about my 4 miscarriages, even though I am very open online about my fertility problems, it sure would be nice to sit down with a friend to talk without worrying that I’m making them uncomfortable.
    So, in short, keep doing what you’re doing. Be patient with her, support her, and if you do have a healthy baby when she doesn’t, don’t let her push herself away from you, she’ll get through it with your help. 🙂

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Unspoken Grief is a non-profit website dedicated to creating awareness and resources for anyone touched directly or indirectly by miscarriage, stillbirth or neonatal death.

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