My Angel Rihana

2 days before my 26th birthday, i took a home pregnancy test and it came back positive! i was ecstatic i had been trying for a long time to have a baby and after several (over 10) miscarriages and 2 tubals, i was hoping for the best. i got into my OB/GYN right away.. she did a initial u/s and found that the baby was in my cervix like it was supposed to be so she put me as high risk b/c of my history. i started having real bad morning sickness and could hardly eat. i kept talking to my ob and she said just eat what i could when i could. at 20 weeks we went in and had the u/s to find out what we were having. It was gonna be a girl!!! i was so happy. Me and my boyfriend started going through names to see what we would like. we kept coming back to Rihana. when i got through the 2nd trimester the Dr took me from high risk down to normal. We thought nothing could go wrong. On July 30th 2009 we went down for a routine visit at 32 weeks. Rihana had a habit of making it hard on the Dr to find the heart beat but that day she couldn’t get it at all… she said she wanted to be safe and do a u/s to see the baby.. she took me and my boyfriend (now husband) to the room for the u/s she put the goo on my belly and started to take a look at Rihana. My ob let us watch as she did the u/s, while we were watching i saw my baby girls heart… it wasn’t beating, the Dr left for a moment to get a couple other obs on the floor to come consult. it was then that she told us that she was gone… that was the lowest point in my life.. she wanted to admit me right then and there to the hospital to induce me.. i told her i had to go home first i could not tell my mom and my g-parents this news over the phone… Mt Husband drove me home. my family was sitting on the back porch when we got there, i didn’t have to say anything they could tell something was wrong by the way i was acting. We told them the devastating news and told them that i had to get back down there that they wanted to induce me as soon as possible. when i got admitted and hooked up to everything. they found out i had pre-eclampsia and my blood pressure was really worrying my Dr. they started the pitotcin around 5 pm. i started having contractions and they gave me the epidural.

At 12:30 am 7/31/09 they started prepping for me to push my baby girl out all i was thinking is what did i do wrong??? Why Me???? was she going to look normal??? i was so scared. Everyone left b/c things had slowed down and it didn’t seem like she wanted to come out.. My husband left to go get me a drink (that i wasn’t supposed to have) i gave him my phone to take, While he was gone i tried to use the Bedpan and then all of a sudden i knew what i was feeling wasn’t what i thought it was. i hit the button while calling my husband. i told him to get up to me NOW!!!! i felt between my legs and her head was almost halfway out. i hollered for the Nurses since they hadn’t come yet.. they come in take a look and call my Dr my husband called my family and they had just left the hospital after being told it wouldn’t be till the morning. they rushed down to the hospital but they wern’t quite quick enough My Dr just had time to get in the room and tell me to push. i pushed 3 times and i felt her slip out. they cut the cord and handed her to me… she was so perfect 2 lb 6 oz and 19″ long and she was sooo pink looking i made them give me a stethoscope so i could listen for myself.. then they took her from me just so they could finish taking care of me, they took lots of feet prints and hand prints. they asked us if we would like to bathe her and we jumped on it we gave our lil angel a bath and dressed her and we took 127 photos in the short 5 hours we got to hold her. i have 1 photo i will always treasure it has 4 generations of the women in my family including her. i have photos of everyone holding her.. the next few days are are a real haze. we buried our Rihana on a morning early in august of 09. the funeral amazed me. for someone no one had met she had a lot of people who loved her..

shortly after the funeral i went and saw my Dr for a follow up and she let me know the autopsy report. it showed that in the cord and the placenta there were hundreds of blood clots and the way she explained it to me my body slowly suffocated and starved my daughter inside me.. i went to a specialist and she looked over my history and asked what had happened to out stillborn. We told her everything we knew. she sent us out for a few then called us back in and told me i have Anti-Phospholipid antibody syndrome which simply put is a blood clot disorder.. the Dr explained to me that when i got pregnant again that i would have to give myself heparin 2x a day for the entire pregnancy..

2 months later in mid to late October i started thinking i was pregnant my thanksgiving i was certain. so i called my Dr the nurse i talked to was new and didn’t know my history and tried to schedule me for 12 weeks, i called back and left a message on her voice mail about my concerns and the next morning she called me to come in.. she did a u/s and the baby was in good position. she gave me several days worth of the heparin and had a nurse show me what to do. i religiously gave my self the shots 2x a day b/c of what had happened with Rihana, from 20 weeks on i had to get non stress tests to hear the baby and make sure everything was on track. as of week 30 u/s became a weekly thing (they had been doing them every 2 weeks before that) to check on the blood flow and make sure everything was going great.. my edd was 7/22/10 they decided to induce me 3 weeks early so that she didn’t get to big and cause pressure clots. so on 7/1/10 at 6 pm they induced me.. the labor went slow and i tried to hold off on the epidural but the pain got so constant i couldn’t rest and they were worried that i wouldn’t have the strength to push her out. They gave me the Epi and for the first time since the 1st i slept (this is early on the 3rd) when i woke up the epi had worn off and i was hurting bad and had the urge to push bad.. i got the nurse and she got the Dr and they rushed to prep for the delivery. the Dr got to the room and they had me start pushing 3-4 pushes later she came out screaming i started bawling not because i was sad but because i was so happy that i had a healthy baby girl after so many problems over the years. she was born 7/3/10 6 lb 2 oz 19 1/2 in long when i first saw her i thought i was seeing things because she looked exactly like her sister.

Now July is both a happy and a sad month for me I have my Rihana in heaven watching out for me and her daddy and sister. and Now Makenna who is now a 20 month old super active and Healthy toddler!

Thanks anyone who reads this. this wasn’t exactly easy for me to do but i felt i needed to pass my story on..


Comments are moderated before appearing. Please note: your comment here may show up on your Facebook Feed.


I am a 29 Year old Mother of 3, Two are in heaven watching over our family. I have a condition called Factor V Leiden Hetro. Fancy way of saying i get blood clots. i live in Southern Indiana with my Husband and our baby gril Makenna. *update* im expecting another girl in apr of this yr (2013) (update) had Elektra 4-15-13 and due to a tragic co sleeping accident she passed 6-10-13 i had just 8 weeks with her...

  1. thanks so much for sharing your story. My daughter Charlotte was born Friday, April 20, 2012, but never took a her first breath. We are having her memorial service tomorrow. I had a scheduled c-section for April 24. How in the world did this happen to me? Reading your story helped me realize that I am not alone…and it gives me hope that I will be pregnant again. Thank you.

    1. My Heart Goes Out To You… even though this july makes 3 years sometimes it still feels like it just happined.. i think of her daily and i love her uncondit0nally. you will never forget and it will be really hard at times, just take care of yourself.

    2. Jennifer Pickard – Nicki, I love you!! And I am so proud of who you have become in life.An anzaimg loving,giving, devoted mother,wife, best friend daughter,grandaughter and so much more! I just know your grandma Ham is smiling down on you and will always be so proud of who you are, and the love you give!I am blessed to have you in my life.Cherish every moment with the ones you love the most.Your the best babe <3 Love you always, JenniAugust 16, 2011 5:40 pm

  2. You are truly an inspiration to me! To go through that much loss I am so sorry to hear about but you have got to be one of the strongest women I have ever known!.. I am so happy for you that you had a nice healthy babygirl. I am a mother of a 26 month old little girl and when I got pregnant I wanted an abortion so badly but i did not believe in them, i simply wanted an abortion because of my situation. Then, one day I thought to myself ya know what lindsey? This is MY DAUGHTER who cares if her dad is a low life who could care less about her? well, giving birth was an amazing expirence although my daughter got stuck and her heart beat dropped to 10 beats per minute and I was so afraid but as I was pushing, I was praying like crazy too and my daughter was born 3 weeks early on 3/27/10 and was 8 lbs 6 oz 21 inches long and very healthy. I am so sorry you had to go through this,. My 7 mo old nephew I loved just like a son passed away from SIDS on january 13th 2012 and I miss him so much . 🙁

  3. Since ive posted this ive had a bit more heartbreak.. on apr 1st of this yr i found out i was pregnant, on the 3rd i woke up, went to get up to go to the bathroom, and everything started turning grey n i collapsed.. my husband called me a ambulance. when i got down there they rushed me to u.s. to u.s the baby n my kidneys but because of what the tech saw they cancelled the kidneys.. i got told that my baby was in my tube and that the baby had ruptured my tube. they called my OB (same one who delivered Rihana) and i got taken to surgery… when i got out i was told i had lost over half of my blood from where my tube had ruptured… they took my left tube and ovary out also.. my ob told me the baby was about 8 n a half weeks along.. they told me that if i had walked in the er that i would be dead today… so now along with all the losses ive had. i almost lost me… on a brighter note Makenna is almost 2 now (july 3rd is her b-day) and just amazing!!!

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.

About Unspoken Grief

Unspoken Grief is a non-profit website dedicated to creating awareness and resources for anyone touched directly or indirectly by miscarriage, stillbirth or neonatal death.

©Unspoken Grief 2017; Devan McGuinness


Unspoken Grief exists to provide peer-to-peer support and resources. The information on this site is intended only for advocacy and educational purposes. It's not intended to give medical advice, to diagnose or to offer treatment for any medical or psychological conditions. Please consult your own health care provider for your own specific situation and needs.