My Angel Boy Vincent

To my Angel Boy: Vincent

We are going on yr. 3  and this is my first time sharing, but the grief I try to bury is getting to be too much.

It all happened in 2009 & all I can keep thinking about is I’m a mom I should have known. He was full-term when we lost him. Never in a million years did I think anything of this. I never even knew other women experienced it as much as I see now.

Bare with me I’m getting to how it all happened — it’s so hard to put into words.  I was full term and I went in that week to see how he was and he was doing great.  Later that week, I went in and the doctor wasn’t sure what was going on so he sent me to the hospital — there I got the news.

I was so sad,confused. Now I only have one ovary and FT and have a zipper from my chest down yup all the way down . So that being said, I had always had c-sections. Because my baby boy went so fast, my uterus did not thin out enough and into labor I went.

Every day I think of him. His hands his feet his little nails and yet I’m so angry with myself.  I did see his eyes I couldn’t bare it, I think to myself now I should have and I was being selfish then because I was scared , I’m sure he was scared. There are so many things I should have said to him that day and I did not.

I was silent. Wishing I could hear a breath — something .

I’m balling my eyes out for the chance to see him today. What he would be like. That day was the hardest day of our life, but the ongoing grief, and sadness has not diminished like some say. I’m sure there will be better days ahead, but he will always be in my thoughts. I will always talk to him. Visit his grave. Thank you all for reading/listening.

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Unspoken Grief is a non-profit website dedicated to creating awareness and resources for anyone touched directly or indirectly by miscarriage, stillbirth or neonatal death.

©Unspoken Grief 2017; Devan McGuinness


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