Multiple Miscarriages, Multiple Heartache

My name is Megan I am 35 years old and here is my story:

I married at 20 years old and became pregnant right away had my little girl at 21 with no problems — the perfect pregnancy despite my terrible morning sickness.

We waited until my daughter was 3 years old before we decided to try again. I became pregnant right away and was devastated when I lost that baby at 14 weeks. My pain was unimaginable — I never thought that would happen to me. All I could think was to get pregnant again as soon as possible to ease my pain from my first loss.

But I lost that baby at 15 weeks and again was heartbroken.

My doctor told me after that loss he thought when I got pregnant again I should be seen by a specialist. I did become pregnant again quickly, but again lost that baby as well at 15 weeks. That baby was a little boy, the first 2 we don’t know because they were assumed to be flukes and not checked.

After our 3rd loss we felt there was no hope for us to have another baby, but I felt in my heart I had to try one more time. So I became pregnant for the 5th time and was taking heparin just like my 4th pregnancy and was beyond joy to have my 2nd daughter. I felt I couldn’t ask for anything more!

After my 2nd daughter turned 3, we decided to try again and my doctors thought I should be able to have another baby no problem, but sadly since my second daughter I have endured 5 more 2nd trimester losses between 15-19 weeks and my heart is broken wide open!

All but my most recent loss were all boys leading my doctors to believe my problem was sex-linked. But May 29th I lost a precious little baby girl that I had believed with all my heart I would carry to term and now feel like I am back to square one.

Devastating to lose all my sweet baby boys but thought if I could get pregnant with a girl I would be able to hold a baby in my arms. With all my losses, I have never joined groups or sites because I felt my story was so sad and depressing no one would want to hear it and whenever I read others stories I felt my heart break all over again.

Since losing my last baby my thoughts have changed — I am desperate to connect with others who may have a similar history and have overcome or found an answer to their losses. Besides my precious girls I feel like I’m living with a permanent broken heart–  I ache so much for each of my precious babies and feel like I’m living a nightmare.

I hope with all my heart that doctors can find some answers a fear that torments me is my girls could have the same problem breaks my heart.

— Megan

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3 Comments
  1. My heart breaks for you.
    I have only had to suffer with losing one baby, my only baby. I’m afraid I cannot offer you advice from someone who’s been there, but I just wanted to say thank you for sharing your story, and please don’t be afraid to tell it.
    I believe that our stories can help to heal ourselves and others.
    Healing thoughts and hugs.

  2. I am so sorry for your losses. I do know how it feels. I have lost 3 of my 4 pregnancy’s. My daughter is now 3. My husband and I started trying to become pregnant in 2007. I was thrilled to find out that we were pregnant and then we started having horrible problems. When they started checking we found that it was an ectopic pregnancy and that they would have to terminate. At this point in my life it was the worst thing that I have ever had to go through. We waited a while after this because I was terrified to try again. We became pregnant with my daughter in 2009. She was born in 2010. We had several problems with her as well. She has a heart defect that is considered to be a “soft trigger” for downs syndrome. (Trisomy-21) We had to go to the parinatal specialist. He was able to tell us that she was in fact sick and that in order for her to be healthy I had to go on bed rest. This was when I was 18 weeks pregnant. They then found that my placenta wasn’t working properly and that it wasn’t feeding her. I had to go on a special diet and gain as much weight as possible so that she had a chance of surviving. It was extremely scary for me as I had to always stay calm in order to keep her heart rate down and not to stress her out. I went into labor with her at 27 weeks. They were able to stop it and I was admitted to the hospital. They did have to end up taking her early by emergency c-section. She had “non-reassuring fetal heart rate”. They were able to save her and she is the light of my life now. We decided to try again as we wanted our children to be 3 years apart. I became pregnant this past December and it ended in miscarriage. I was devastated yet again. I was mad at myself for not being able to carry my baby, and I felt that I had also let my husband down. We tried again when we got the ok from the physician and became pregnant with our little boy. I have just 3 weeks ago went in for a D&E procedure. We lost him at 20 weeks. He had trisomy-21 which is downs syndrome as well as the trisomy-13 which is fatal. He was swollen from the top of his head to the very bottom of his toes. He had an enlarged heart and had a ton of fluid around all of his vital organs. He was very very sick. We were hoping that since we made it into the second trimester that everything was ok and that he would complete our family and well….not I am lost. I have a huge hole in my heart. I never wanted my little girl to be alone I always wanted her to have a companion in a sibling. So that if anything were to happen with her dad and or I that she would have someone just like her to go through it with her. We were told that if we now tried again to have another child that we have a higher chance of this happening again.

    I am so sorry that all of this hurt happened to you as well. It hurts my heart to hear about others having to experience the pain of losing a child, and or children. Thank you for posting your story.

  3. Megan

    So sorry for the loss of your precious babies. It is so hard to walk through this, isn’t it? I have come to this site several times in the past 7 months, and it does help just reading others stories. Tomorrow was my due date, and it seems like tears are close at hand yet again. I will keep you in my prayers tonight.

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