Life Hands Great Loss in More Ways

January 15th my world was turned upside down for the first time in what would become my worst nightmare. After taking fertility drugs, and trying for years to conceive, Chris and I had finally been successful. I was 8 weeks pregnant. We had taken the home pregnancy test and was delighted to see it was positive. I was to call the doctor in the morning to schedule an appointment for another test. Life was looking good.

It quickly turned “south”.

That night I started cramping. Soon I was bleeding and unable to walk. In a matter of an hour I lost the baby.

We were absolutely devastated. My husband’s three sons had wanted a baby sister or brother so bad. They had even gone to picking out baby names. We had not told them we were pregnant as we did not want them to get their hopes up. So they never knew they were going to be big brothers again.

My story does not end there. You would think that was enough tragedy, but it was only beginning. On March 6th my husband died unexpectedly. His body shut down from the medication he had been prescribed after back surgery. I watched as they worked on him in the ambulance to the hospital 20 miles away. I watche as they continued to try to bring him back to life, but to no avail. He was gone.

As if that was not enough, we had a fire three weeks later and our business was gone. To add to my grief my stepsons were now living 100% of their time with their biological mother. I no longer had my “lovebug” or “snugglebug” or “handsome man.” I had lost a baby, a husband, three sons and a business in less than 3 months.

Why me?! Why my life?! Why my family?!

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3 Comments
  1. I have tears in my eyes as I sit here, completely unable to think of anything to say to you other than “I’m so very, very sorry.”

    That much loss just seems unbearable. I hope you at least have a support system or someone to talk to to help get you through this.

    Will you be able to visit with your stepsons? I know that is hardly the same as having them be a part of your home, but I hope for at least that much for you.

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Unspoken Grief is a non-profit website dedicated to creating awareness and resources for anyone touched directly or indirectly by miscarriage, stillbirth or neonatal death.

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