Letter to My Child

My dearest child, how I’ve missed you these last 6 months. We would have been excited to see you enter the world and take you place as our firstborn. I had prayed and waited for you, for a long time. I was looking forward to hearing your gurgling and laughter in the house, to proudly showing you off to our friends and family, to cuddling with you and daddy, and knowing that we all shared such a special bond. Instead, it’s a gloomy and rainy March day and the house is quiet and so very sad without you. We have no grave to visit, no marker to show the world that you were here – only the huge imprint on our hearts of the few who loved and love you so dearly.

I think of you daily. I miss you so much – I wish that you were still here with us *****! We love you so very much. Even though I know that you are taken care of and loved by the angels, I can’t help but wish that we had more time with you. That we could take care of you and tell you how much we love you.

I had planned to visit the cemetery today, to somehow visit you, but its raining out there – so maybe tomorrow. I baked a little cake for you, so that daddy and I can celebrate your birthday after dinner. You’ll never be forgotten *****, you will always be a large part of us, especially since you may be our only child, the only proof of how much we love each other and how much we wanted you as part of our family. We light a candle for you most nights my sweet baby and we lit a candle at yesterday, Ash Wednesday.

I’d do anything to have you back with us. The last months since your death have been so hard and lonely without you. Now, as we begin Lent, the sadness is back – I just have to remember that there is light at the end of this journey – there will be a time when we meet, when we’ll get to hold and cuddle you, make you smile and laugh, and show you ho much you are loved.

I don’t dream of you, but I wish I did. I picture you as a large baby, with ‘peach fuzz” hair, who is always content and laughing. I can see daddy nuzzling with you, as if the two of you shared a secret. Today, I should have heard your first cry, but please know that we’ve loved you since the moment we knew.

Loving you always ~

Originally posted on March 10, 2011


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