My story begins in November. It’s a happy beginning as I’m sure most are. Until we visited the doctor.
We thought I was 7 weeks pregnant. I should have been but, my periods were abnormal so I couldn’t be sure. Neither could the doctors. My hCG levels and ultrasound were placing me around 2-3 weeks. I had miscalculated — no big deal.
Every week, I’d go in twice a week for beta hCG draws to check on my pregnancy levels. My levels were rising — slowly. They never exactly doubled and I struggled with this and worried. I had 2 miscarriages in the past and I had a sinking feeling it was happening again.
Mid-December I went in for an ultrasound in the radiology department. They saw what they believed to be a complete molar pregnancy. I was actually 10 weeks pregnant. I hadn’t miscalculated — I had been right.
My OB called me back later that day after having my ultrasound reviewed by another doctor in his practice. They both agreed that it was a complete molar pregnancy. I was scheduled for a D&C a few days later.
My sweet little baby was taken from me three days from Christmas. Three days before Christmas was born. My baby was taken.
I had a tubal ligation done too. We thought it best because the doctors had informed me I was extremely high at risk for cancer to develop because of the formation of the “mole”. They called my baby a mole. So… I had my tubes tied. No more babies.
We got the pathology back a week later. There was no molar pregnancy. They had misdiagnosed me. My baby had just stopped growing. I had my tubes tied for no reason.
I still can’t cope. I’m still grieving. The loss of my beautiful baby that I already loved so much. My now inability to have any more babies.
I don’t have much support. Actually, I don’t have any. Most seem to think I should get over it and move on. Another seems to think I miss the attention more than the baby I could have had. I told her to go to a not nice place. I can’t be happy for those that are pregnant. I can’t see past my own grief.
I’ve got an appointment set to seek professional help.
Photo credit: adapted from dannyhahn82 | Flickr