I Feel Like No One Understands

I’ve just experienced my first miscarriage last Saturday. I went to the ER with pressure, bloating, and nine weeks pregnant. I left grief stricken and no baby.

This was my very first pregnancy with my husband of five years — we were excited.  My sister-in-law and cousins were all pregnant. I was happy to know my child would have lots of cousins to play with, but this dream was shattered.

My heart broken.

My husband just besides himself.

Everyone says I’m handling it really well. I mean I don’t know any other way to. I’ve been doing okay. Not really sleeping. My pregnancy ended up being a blighted ovum. I went into emergency surgery thinking I had an ectopic pregnancy. So many emotions I’ve been through this week. I’m still bleeding and cramping. No clothes fit and I don’t want to put my maternity clothes back on. Everyone says, “at least there wasn’t a baby“.

I feel like no one understands.

Even my mom had a miscarriage, but I feel like she still doesn’t understand. I’m sucking up my feelings this weekend to celebrate Mother’s Day. My mom didn’t understand when I said I was unsure if I wanted to do anything Sunday.

I’m just confused.

Everyone is acting like nothing happened and I’m just okay and just move on. My husband is amazing — he took off work to be with me.  I know he is hurting too. I know time will heal, but right now I’m still hurting.

— Natalia

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  1. I’m so so sorry for your loss.
    I feel safe in saying that a lot of women feel like no one understands. I know that’s how I felt, losing our first bay at 17 weeks a couple of months ago. I had so much anger when it came to others ignoring my feelings, as though I should be ready to ‘move on’ and ‘get better’. We don’t ever ‘get better’. We might feel ok, we function, we can be happy and balanced again, but we can never forget what we’ve lost and I think maybe it will always hurt. After some time has passed, I’ve tried to recognize that, when faced with a grieving person, people are afraid and uncomfortable, they panic at the idea of saying the wrong thing, setting us off, making us cry, triggering a breakdown. So they say nothing. And it hurts more, sometimes.
    Again, I am so sorry, and I hope you feel some healing and connection through this site, knowing that here is a network of people who can come as close to understanding how you feel as possible. Your story and feelings will always be your own, but I think there are a lot of us in this morbid club, who can empathize more than most.

    1. I’m so sorry for what you’re going through.
      This Sunday my son will be gone for a month and it hurts. It feels like time is going on but you still remain in the past.
      We will never be okay because we are not whole anymore.
      Just remember that you’re a mommy of an angel. And NOBODY can take that away from you.

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Unspoken Grief is a non-profit website dedicated to creating awareness and resources for anyone touched directly or indirectly by miscarriage, stillbirth or neonatal death.

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Unspoken Grief exists to provide peer-to-peer support and resources. The information on this site is intended only for advocacy and educational purposes. It's not intended to give medical advice, to diagnose or to offer treatment for any medical or psychological conditions. Please consult your own health care provider for your own specific situation and needs.