I Feel Like It’s All My Fault

I’ve never done anything like this so bare with me… I think I just kinda need to rant more then anything.

One month ago today, I found out I was pregnant for the first time and also had a miscarriage.. I was 3 and a half weeks. I started having symptoms of pregnancy about a week and a half before that, so my boyfriend went to the drug store and got me a test, he was so excited we could be having a child.

I’ve never seen him so happy lol anyways, he comes home from the store with 3 tests “just to make sure” he says. I did one the next morning we sat there impatiently waiting — him getting more excited by the second and me trying not to get my hopes up just in case. Well, the test ended up saying negative same for the other 2 tests.. (which I didn’t do all in one day i did them in 3 mornings) so we ended up just thinking it was just false symptoms and I was actually sick & left it at that.

About a week later my teeth were hurting so bad i couldn’t sleep.. i was up all night for days in such bad pain. I ended up going to my mothers for dinner one day but couldn’t eat cause it hurt so bad. She tells me to take some anti-inflammatory pills so i took two my mouth finally stopped hurting about 30 mins after taking them.

About 40 mins later I started to feel really bad pains in my stomach & lower back also feeling really nauseous  My mom said i probably didn’t eat enough before taking the pills, but as the minutes passed, the pain was getting worse. I went to try to go to the bathroom, I ended up getting my period at least I thought, but it wasn’t normal at all not normal color and way to heavy. I just thought maybe it was my missed/late period, but then i got up from the toilet and fell on the floor in the worst pain I’ve ever been in.

I ended up begging my step-dad to take me to the hospital. I found out I had a miscarriage because of the anti-inflammatory drugs I took.  I was so confused, I took 3 tests & all came back negative. The dr said i didn’t have enough hCG hormones so the tests “didn’t work” (he explained it in big words), but i was in fact pregnant at the time.

I haven’t told anyone this except my boyfriend, especially not my mom cause she gave me the pills she will think its her fault… but its not.. I should have known I was pregnant. I shouldn’t have taken those pills…I haven’t been the same since. I cry everyday. He tells me it happened for a reason that it’s ok, but I can tell he’s hurt too. I feel so depressed and I just cant move on.. I know I have to but how?  When will the sadness start to fade?

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