I Didn’t Fight A War

I didn’t fight a war

I lost a child

I didn’t see people die

I saw my son’s penis without a heartbeat

I never felt life fade in my arms on a battlefield

just in my womb on a table

The only bloodshed I saw was my own

so why?

Why do I feel so much pain?

Why do my days run together with no memory?

Why are my dreams filled with horror?

Why won’t the tears stop?

Why do I keep reliving that time?

Why can’t I let go?

Why can’t I be whole?

I didn’t fight a war

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