I Am Struggling

I am struggling.

& I don’t know how to make it better.

I’m sitting in a ‘dark hole’ – a triggering time of month for me and I do not know how to make this better.

I went off birth control about 2-3 months ago – not with the hopes of getting pregnant again – but because I wanted to be off of the hormones. Since then my periods have started up again. For near the first time in my life I am having my cycle off hormones and without trying to get pregnant.

My body and mind are confused.

I have the cramps, the heavy flow, the small clots.

I’m triggered right back. 

It is hard to refocus my mind that THIS is normal.  I am reminded of my miscarriages every month. Waiting for the clots to get bigger, to see the baby pass and to double over from pain.

That is not going to happen becuse this is not miscarriage. this is normal.

Rationally I know that, i can see that.

But every month I am boiled over with anxiety.  Right back into this dark place where the grief and anxiety feel like they are going to take over.

How can i make THIS the new normal and not get triggered from something that is a natural body function?

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