Greiving and Remembering

Three weeks ago, I found out I was pregnant. Being 21, I was terrified, but amazingly, I was so excited. I couldn’t tell the father and the only person’s support I had was my mother’s. Even though I was overwhelmed and no where near being prepared, I couldn’t wait to hold my little penguin (what I called my baby) 7 months down the road.

Last week, January 7th, I started bleeding. That night, I went to the ER and they told me that even though I should be about 7 weeks pregnant, the sac was only measuring about 6 weeks along and there was no heartbeat. The doctor sat down with me and told me that the baby had died, and I was starting to miscarry.

She cried with my mother and me.

Four days later, on January 11th, I passed the baby. I’ve been crying for about a week straight now. I am thankful, if for nothing else, that physically, it was an easy miscarriage. No heavy bleeding, not even as heavy as a period, and hardly any cramping. I can only guess that it’s because I was still so early on.

Before going through all this, I never knew what going through a miscarriage meant. I thought it was something fast, something that happened all in one day. I never imagined that a baby could be dead inside of you before your body even realized it. Never thought about how it could take weeks to complete. I never thought about having to see the remains of your own child and just wipe them away with toilet paper and flush them away.  It is the most horrible feeling.

All women should know the possibilities and what it’s actually like to miscarry. There isn’t enough information on the internet and doctors don’t tell the whole story. So many people don’t realize that miscarrying hurts just as much as losing your 5 year old or 21 year old. To lose a child, is to lose a child, born or unborn.

I was so excited that I came across this website tonight and I feel like I can finally breathe, that I’ve found a support group. I’m currently trying to find ideas for a memorial tattoo. I’m trying to find flowers that represent a miscarriage, or loss. But just like going through a miscarriage, I can’t find any websites  that mention a flower that symbolizes this. Does anyone have any ideas?

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SweetSouthernRebel

I'm Chelsea, a 21 year old from Texas. I just recently went suffered through a miscarriage alone and am looking for support.

5 Comments
  1. I am so sorry for your loss, SweetSouthernRebel & my heart goes out to you!

    As for your tattoo ideas, I myself use the cherry blossom flower as a symbol for miscarriage and loss. I have a tattoo with floating petals that have fallen off, one for each of my losses.

    I hope you find comfort in this community. xo

  2. I chose to get a charm bracelet. I have the letter of my living sons name, and a lovely mother and child charm for my precious “JuneBaby”. I want to go get charms now for my husband and I, and I will continue to add them for future babies.

  3. My BFF made me a necklace with an angel in the middle that lays against my heart with the boys names on. <3 Eventually I will get a tat for them but for now my necklace will do <3

  4. I’m considering getting a tattoo of a flying dove. I like the dove as a symbol for our little angel. My bestie has chosen a hummingbird for her angel. Some people even plant a tree or something similar. Choose something that’s meaningful to YOU.

  5. Maybe you could get a penguin in some way whether a cute one with wings, or in script “mummy’s lil penguin” and the date

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Unspoken Grief is a non-profit website dedicated to creating awareness and resources for anyone touched directly or indirectly by miscarriage, stillbirth or neonatal death.

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