I am feeling very conflicted; very confused.

Extreme numbness; mixed with a huge dose of guilt.

Barely 5 weeks in; I knew this would happen.

We were not ‘trying’; I was not ‘prepared’.

I’ve been here before; but not at the same time.

The guilt.

The anger.

The physical pain.

I am sitting in a fog of PTSD; Yet very stoic.

I am tired; I am triggered.

I am embarrassed; I want to keep these feelings in.

I am terrified of ever trying again; Scared of this again.

This sucks; Nothing much more to say then that.

Devan McGuinness

is the founder and executive director of the award-winning resource Unspoken Grief .

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