I am feeling very conflicted; very confused.

Extreme numbness; mixed with a huge dose of guilt.

Barely 5 weeks in; I knew this would happen.

We were not ‘trying'; I was not ‘prepared’.

I’ve been here before; but not at the same time.

The guilt.

The anger.

The physical pain.

I am sitting in a fog of PTSD; Yet very stoic.

I am tired; I am triggered.

I am embarrassed; I want to keep these feelings in.

I am terrified of ever trying again; Scared of this again.

This sucks; Nothing much more to say then that.

Devan McGuinness

is the founder of the online resource Unspoken Grief , which is dedicated to breaking the silence of perinatal grief for those directly and indirectly affected by miscarriage, stillbirth and neonatal death. Using her own experience of surviving 12 miscarriages, Devan has been actively supporting and encouraging others who are wading through the challenges associated with perinatal and neonatal loss.

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