Nothing Hurts More Than Losing Something You Wanted

baby stopped growing

Since I was a little girl, I dreamed of starting a family immediately after getting married.

In 2011, we tied the knot and we didn’t want to wait to start a family. Suddenly a month after the wedding, we were pregnant! The excitement, we didn’t want to wait to tell everyone so we did, we figured at 10 weeks we were so close to the 12 week mark and everything should be OK.

A few days before my first ultrasound, I started spotting – I knew what that meant – off to the emergency room we went. There we were confirmed, I was miscarrying – my whole world crashed in front of me.

At Christmas, to get our minds off the loss, we went on an beautiful two week vacation and it helped me ease my grief. Valentines day, I surprised my husband with another positive pregnancy test! I was so terrified and scared during the entire 9 months, but at the end we had a beautiful and healthy boy to bring home. Having him has shown me how much love I have for this little human being and how much I would love to bring him a sibling.

After we had our son, we made a decision to get an IUD to prevent a pregnancy for about 3 years. We wanted to be able to enjoy all his milestones, give him all the attention and when he was at a independent stage we would start trying. In Sept 2015 we got our first positive after IUD removal, we were thrilled but we knew what could happen and we prayed for the best.

At 6 weeks I started spotting – we knew – emergency room confirmed a loss of a baby that stopped growing at 4 weeks.

Today, this loss hurts more than the first. This child was wanted, loved and needed for this growing family. We experienced such a harsh reality of not being able to bring a sibling home for our child. Today, we take it day by day and we hope that sometime within the future we can provide him with more than one sibling.

Nothing hurts more than losing something you wanted…

— Anonymous

Photo credit: Pixabay

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About Unspoken Grief

Unspoken Grief is a non-profit website dedicated to creating awareness and resources for anyone touched directly or indirectly by miscarriage, stillbirth or neonatal death.

©Unspoken Grief 2017; Devan McGuinness

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