An Unexplained Panic

I can not shake it.  It creeps up out of no where.  No explanation and no escape. No rhyme or reason.

This feeling.

This panic.

Everything is calm one moment. I am sitting with my three children playing around me – happy and healthy. Perfect.

I feel my heart racing.

My breathing gets quicker.

Someone is missing.

That moment – while passing in under a minute – feels like a life time.  That panic that is like no other I have had. A panic that I can not logically explain hits me.  hard.

I have tried to figure out what this panic is.  How to make it go away. How to at least brace myself for it.

I can’t.

I wonder if I am missing my angels.  If in that moment they are thinking of me or around me.  I am not religious so I really don’t know if i can believe that is what is going on. Perhaps in that moment I am wondering what could have been?

That brief moment of panic is painful.


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Devan McGuinness

is the founder and executive director of the award-winning resource Unspoken Grief .

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Unspoken Grief is a non-profit website dedicated to creating awareness and resources for anyone touched directly or indirectly by miscarriage, stillbirth or neonatal death.

©Unspoken Grief 2017; Devan McGuinness


Unspoken Grief exists to provide peer-to-peer support and resources. The information on this site is intended only for advocacy and educational purposes. It's not intended to give medical advice, to diagnose or to offer treatment for any medical or psychological conditions. Please consult your own health care provider for your own specific situation and needs.