A Recount of the 4th Time

I know the signs.

I need to do this.

I open the strip.

I hesitate.

Do I want to know?

Can I do this again?

I have to know.

I take the strip.

2 lines.

Heart beating faster.



Deep breath.

It wont happen again.

It can’t.

Heart slows down.

It wont.


Weeks pass.




It starts.

8 weeks.

The cramps.

The pain.

The blood.

The tears.

It happened again.




Comments are moderated before appearing. Please note: your comment here may show up on your Facebook Feed.

Devan McGuinness

is the founder and executive director of the award-winning resource Unspoken Grief .

  1. I’m so sorry, Devan.

    I have always been sure that my first miscarriage was due to the fact that it was an IVF pregnancy, and they have a high miscarriage rate. But, not that I’ve had a second miscarriage with a pregnancy conceived naturally, I am terrified that it will happen again.

    I just can’t believe how many times you have been through this and how strong you must be to get through it.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.

About Unspoken Grief

Unspoken Grief is a non-profit website dedicated to creating awareness and resources for anyone touched directly or indirectly by miscarriage, stillbirth or neonatal death.

©Unspoken Grief 2017; Devan McGuinness


Unspoken Grief exists to provide peer-to-peer support and resources. The information on this site is intended only for advocacy and educational purposes. It's not intended to give medical advice, to diagnose or to offer treatment for any medical or psychological conditions. Please consult your own health care provider for your own specific situation and needs.