A Lemon Lost

We nicknamed our first baby “Lemon” before we even knew we were pregnant. I wrote “Lemon, come to us!” on the chalkboard wall in our kitchen. After just four months of trying, we were absolutely ecstatic to find out that Lemon did indeed come to us in April 2010. As soon as I saw that blue cross appear, I began laughing out loud. I was giddy with joy. While we carried on like most expectant parents–telling our family, talking about names, dreaming of the future that was finally within reach–the truth is, I worried a lot. When I was alone, I cried. I worried that we shouldn’t have shared the news so soon. I kept using the words “maybe” and “if.” My husband called me morbid. Looking back, perhaps I just knew.

At 11 weeks, 1 day, we found out that something had gone terribly wrong for our sweet Lemon. He or she just wasn’t prepared for this journey with us. After some spotting, I was examined by my midwife and told that my uterus just wasn’t where it should be for 11 weeks. And that, “often times, babies just stop growing.” A few horrifying hours later, an ultrasound in a cold and miserable hospital revealed that our first baby had stopped growing at 7 weeks 2 days. I decided to wait it out, and three days later I miscarried naturally at home.

I spent the rest of the summer trying to remain positive. Just 11 days after we received the news, I celebrated my 28th birthday. I told myself that by the time my next birthday rolled around, we would be parents.

My husband and I are incredibly luckily, because on September 12th we found out that we were being given another chance at parenthood. I wouldn’t have to suffer through my due date, feeling sad and barren. Instead, on January 3, 2011, I enjoyed the 20 week mark of my second pregnancy. I’m due in late May. But if this little girl needs more time, I’ll be just as pleased to meet her in June…a few weeks before my next birthday. Just like I told myself.

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i'm brooke. i'm a freelance writer. a blog editor. a wife. and a puppy mom. i love style, birth stories and words of the day. i dislike ed hardy, rhinestones and long division.

  1. Your story is almost identical to mine…

    I found out I was pregnant early May 2010 and at my first ultrasound appointment (~12 weeks pregnant) I was told that the baby was not progressing. I decided to have a D&C because I did not want to wait for things to happen on their own- I also did not know how long I would have to wait considering the baby had not been viable for so many weeks and my body did not let me know otherwise.

    On September 12th I found out that I was pregnant again (only 5 weeks after my D&C)!! Like you, I was fortunate enough to not have to spend the EDD of my first pregnancy in sorrow. I am now 26 weeks pregnant and due mid-May. My husband and I are so happy and feel so blessed that somedays I forget about the sadness we endured. Reading these posts definitely brings back memories and I only hope that everyone else is blessed with a new miracle in the near future.

  2. I’m so happy to hear it Nicole! I’m 25 weeks. Our little rainbow babies could share a birthday! Thank you for your comment.

  3. I love when these stories have happy endings…so did ours. We suffered two miscarriages but with the persistence and caring of a proactive OB, my third pregnancy stuck…and now I have my Eddie 🙂

  4. Katie, another great reason for Unspoken Grief. On the web, it’s easy to get caught up in the sad stories. We need to hear the good ones too!

  5. Oh, how I needed to read this right now. As I type this I am still in the process of miscarrying at six weeks. Even though I already have one healthy child, I need a reminder that healthy pregnancies do happen after miscarriage. I need as many reminders as I can get, actually.

    I’m very sorry for your loss and am thrilled that you are maintaining a healthy pregnancy now. 🙂

  6. What an amazing story. Thank you for sharing with us. Congratulations on the girl.

    All of you here at Unspoken Grief are going to change lives. I love what you all are doing here.

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