If you’ve recently had a miscarriage, I give you my deepest sympathies. It’s a difficult experience, and I know when my wife and I had ours, we didn’t know quite what to do. It was an entirely new and unexpected experience, and we felt lost. We didn’t know whether we should tell people, what we needed to do to recover from this lose, and when we should try to get pregnant again.
I wanted to share with you about our experience, and what we really helped us get healthy and prepared. If you are in a similar situation, here are some things I suggest you do before trying to get pregnant again.
1. Get Healthy Physically and Mentally
If you’ve been meeting with your OBGYN regularly during your pregnancy, your doctor will probably have already told you what to expect after your miscarriage medically. Before you try to get pregnant again, make sure you have the greenlight from your doctor. While rare, miscarriages can cause complications with future pregnancies, so get checked out and make sure everything is healthy.
While healing physically, make sure your mental health is healing too. Miscarriages and infertility can put a lot of strain on somebody. No matter what stage you were in your pregnancy, you lost a child, and you have the right to mourn however you need to. Reach out to your partner, family, friends and loved ones for support during this time. It’s completely a personal choice to tell people about the miscarriage, but in our experience, I’m glad we did. I found out my mother had several miscarriages, and was a big pillar of support for us.
One thing to remember is that the miscarriage wasn’t your fault. Feeling guilty and depressed is normal, but make sure you understand that you didn’t do anything wrong. A lot of people have miscarriages, and in almost every single case, there wasn’t anything anybody could do. Reach out for help if you are struggling, both to loved ones and a therapist if needed.
2. Resolve Any Concerns or Problems That Happened Last Time
When my wife and I first got pregnant, we went through a period of panic, even though we were trying at the time. All of a sudden, the reality of the situation hit us that we were bringing a child into the world, and we didn’t feel ready. At the time, we had just finished college, I hadn’t found a steady paying job yet, I knew very little about being a parent, and about a dozen other concerns all appeared the moment that pregnancy test came back positive.
I would assume that most soon to be parents have a similar experience. Now, you might, or might not, have resolved these during the previous pregnancy. If you haven’t though, get to it. It will be a huge relief when you do get pregnant again, and you can enjoy the experience without the panic. Then you can focus more on having a healthy, stress free pregnancy. Prepare the nest, have your finances set and whatever else you need.
3. Spend Time Alone With Your Partner
Miscarriages can be very difficult on a relationship. Before jumping back into having a baby, make sure you’re relationship with your partner or spouse is doing well. Sometimes, men have a hard time expressing their emotions, especially if they feel their role during a miscarriage is to support you as much as possible. Help them go through a healthy mourning and healing process, because not dealing with those emotions isn’t healthy.
If your relationship is having difficulties, put the effort and time into repairing it. It might be difficult to return to a “normal” life and relationship, but make it a priority. Go out on dates, have fun, fall more in love and strengthen your bond. If needed, go to a marriage counselor. They are different from other therapists because they understand how tragedies affect a relationship and how to overcome different obstacles in a marriage. Get your relationship healthy again before bringing a child into the mix.
4. Talk to Others With Similar Experiences
It’s hard to understand what it’s like to have a miscarriage until it happens to you. Some people don’t understand how devastating it can be and don’t give the right type of advice and support. Finding people who understand your experience and can support you can really encourage the healing process.
Reach out to family and friends who’ve had miscarriages and talk about your experiences. Ask for their advice on the healing process and they’ll support you. You can also turn to online communities (like this site) for support. Along with receiving love and sympathy, you can also read inspirational stories about overcoming infertility, miscarriages and similar experiences. Know that you aren’t alone and survivors of miscarriage can give you great advice, so reach out to them.
Start Trying Again When You’re Ready
Everybody has an opinion of when to get pregnant, and having a miscarriage doesn’t change that. After you get the green light from the doctor, start trying to get pregnant when you feel ready. You’ll already be feeling stressed about it, so there is no need to put extra pressure on the experience. Don’t let other people push you to get pregnant before you’re ready, whether it’s your partner, family members, or just strangers.
Do you have some advice for others suffering from miscarriage?
Got an inspirational story or experiences that could help somebody? Let us know in the comments below or share your story on the site.